Recently, I was meeting with a regular client — an entrepreneur and really successful business woman who was experiencing, through circumstances beyond her control, a situation that forced her to slow down her usually active pace. She was a woman who was used to being constantly on the go: sometimes struggling with finding a healthy work/life balance and unable to make the time and space to slow down on her own. She and I had been working together for months, and yet she was still unable to slow down until a shift in her environment forced her to do so. But instead of feeling relief from this newfound slower pace, she was actually experiencing a lot of anxiety — worried about the decreased income that might result from her taking a break, and concerned over whether or not she’d be able to later re-generate the income she’d previously had.
Later, I met with another client — another badass boss lady experiencing similar feelings of anxiety. But this time, her feelings were coming from an opportunity to increase her pace and workload. Instead of fearing what would happen if she was forced to slow down, she was worried over what could happen if she were to pick up the pace — afraid she might not be able to maintain a healthy work/life balance, that she might lose some of the freedom her current schedule allowed, or that once she joined the hectic rat race, she might never be able to stop striving for more.
Two women, both extremely talented and very successful, struggling with the same feelings of worry and anxiety, but for two completely different reasons. So that got me thinking…
Entrepreneurship — building, running, and growing your businesses — is just like driving a car.
Do I sound crazy? Let me explain.
Chances are if you’re over 16-years-old and don’t live in a city that runs on public transportation, you know how to drive a car. You’ve probably been driving for years. So, you understand that the purpose of driving is to get you from Point A to Point B. You also understand that when you drive, you have full control of the speed at which you travel.
I’ll repeat that: as the driver of your car, you have full control over the speed at which you travel.
Makes sense, right? As the driver of your car, you can choose your speed. Maybe you’re riding the freeway and can kick it up to 75 mph. Or, maybe you’re cruising down a quiet, residential street and prefer to keep the speedometer hovering around 20 mph. Maybe you’re driving along somewhere in the middle, with your favorite song playing on the radio. Whatever the case may be, you’re the driver. When you want to speed up, you press down on the gas pedal. When you’re ready to slow down, you pump the breaks a few times. If you’ve reached a speed you want to maintain for the next 150 miles, you kick back into cruise control and enjoy the steady rhythm of the road. In the driver’s seat, it’s all up to you.
So why don’t we allow ourselves to follow this same logic in our business lives?
Often, for high performing business women, there is a belief that once we slow down, we’ll never be able to accelerate back to the pace we were maintaining before. There’s strong resistance to slowing down and taking breaks — fueled by the idea that if we’re not constantly on the go and always in the hustle, we’re never going to be able to speed up again. But this is crazy! The mindset that we’re not in control of our speed is a limiting belief. Just like driving a car, if you’re able to slow down, you’ll also be able to accelerate right back up — and both options are always available to you, as long as you’re in the driver’s seat.
But what about things that happen that are out of our control?
Sometimes these things come up when we’re on the road, right? Sometimes our car breaks down, sometimes there’s an accident or traffic that forces us to slow down, sometimes the road we’re traveling on is closed and we have to take a detour, sometimes we’re even in the accident. Sometimes, for better or for worse, the unexpected happens.
But do we quit driving all of a sudden just because we’ve hit a roadblock (sometimes, literally)? No, we don’t. What we do is problem solve: we accept the delay, we pull a map out of the glove compartment, we fix the car, we might even have to replace the car — but one way or another, we keep on driving.
We should treat our business lives in the exact same way: by problem solving, doing what needs to be done, repairing what needs to be repaired, and replacing what needs to be replaced. We stay in the driver’s seat of our business. We figure it out. We make it from Point A to Point B. We don’t let fear of the unknown, fear of failure, or fear of our own pace prevent us from getting in the car and driving.
But I’ll admit, sometimes that’s easier said than done. So here are some tips to keep you on the road and driving — in the driver’s seat, at your own pace:
Whenever you start to feel stuck in your business, struggling with feelings of fear, anxiety, or stress — and believe me, it happens to all of us — tell yourself that running your business is just like driving your car. You already know everything you need to know to be successful, you just have to do it. You can speed up, slow down, stop, change direction, take a detour, or pull into the service garage for a little tune up. Whatever you do in your driver’s seat is fully in your control. Even when the unexpected happens, keep both hands steady on the wheel and know that you’ve got this. You know how to drive, you know how to get where you’re going, and your destination is bound to be great.
For more advice on taking control of your life and business, be sure to watch the video that accompanies this blog post and check out my Facebook group Alpha Female Sisterhood. There you’ll find tons of tips, advice, empowerment, and support for high-performing women, just like you!
Tapping into Your Masculine And Feminine Energies: The Benefits Of Finding Balance
Take a moment to think about the energy you bring into your work, your relationships, and your daily life. You might see yourself as very driven, always getting things done and looking forward to that next big goal. Or, maybe you would describe yourself as less task-oriented and more go-with-the-flow: you lead with your heart rather than your brain, and trust the universe to take over. Perhaps you fall somewhere in the middle, bringing a taskmaster energy to certain areas of your life, and staying a little more hands-off in others.
These different, dynamic energies are known as our masculine energy and our feminine energy — and every single one of us, regardless of whether we identify as male, female, transgender, or gender-neutral, each contain “masculine energy” and “feminine energy” inside of us. But, let’s be clear: even though the language we use to describe these energies falls within the gender binary, whether or not someone has more “masculine energy” or “feminine energy” has nothing to do with their gender identity, sexuality, masculinity, or femininity. In fact, these dual energies aren’t even limited to people. Once you begin to understand the nature of masculine and feminine energy, start to pay attention to what’s around you: there is masculine energy and feminine energy everywhere; found in animals and plants, minerals and magnetic poles, atomic particles — really, everything. And this energy can help influence how you exist in the world.
Let’s start by looking at what we mean when we say “masculine energy” or “feminine energy.” Typical qualities of masculine energy include:
In other words, masculine energy is the energy that gets things done — it hustles, strives, it hunts, it makes things happen. Masculine energy is the doing energy, or the action energy.
Qualities of feminine energy, on the other hand, include:
Feminine energy is grounding. It holds space, attracts, and nurtures. Feminine energy surrenders to the flow and trusts the unfolding of the universe. But don’t be fooled: feminine energy is not passive, inactive, or weak. It’s simply a different way of expressing power in the world.
Consider this example: water flows — just like energy, right? Think about the energy of building a dam, designed to direct the flow of water in a certain way. That dam is an example of masculine energy. But now, think about what happens when water follows its natural flow. Over time, that water is able to shape rocks, making its way through boulders and carving large canyons into the earth. The power of that natural flow is an example of feminine energy — that energy goes with the flow (literally!) and surrenders, but still makes a lasting impact.
But while a dam can be all-masculine energy, and a natural river can be all-feminine energy, it’s a little more complicated in us humans. Since people have both masculine and feminine energy within us, our goal is to balance those dual energies — and to be honest, a lot of us struggle to find that balance.
I’ll offer you an example from my own experience:
Throughout the first 30-plus years of my life, I was driven by my masculine energy — the goal was always to get things done, be high performing, achieve straight A’s, attend graduate school, get a good job, earn promotions, be a leader, perform better than others, be considered “one of the best” of whatever it was I was doing. Each of those are motivations driven by masculine energy, and I identified with that masculine energy a lot.
But over time, particularly over the past few years, I began a journey of personal and spiritual growth. Through my own study and exploration, and by working with life and business coaches of my own, I began to learn how to embrace the feminine energy that was also within me: the energy that nurtures, trusts, surrenders, and is comfortable going with the flow and letting things naturally unfold. For too long I had been concerned with out-performing and over-analyzing, and it was time to tune into more of my feeling nature, connecting with my intuition and my intellect.
Then, as I started leading my life with more feminine energy, the people around me noticed something was changing. My business evolved from one of a strict fitness-focus into the life and business coaching and spiritual mentorship that I offer today. I found myself helping men and women who are going through the same journey that I went through. And, quite naturally, the energy I was putting out into the world began to return to me with greater abundance. Not insignificantly, as my business evolved my income actually doubled. Everything just felt better, in both my personal life and my business life — all because I worked to balance my masculine energy and my feminine energy.
So now you might be wondering: what happens if you’re like me; your energies are unbalanced and you’re more masculine energy-heavy? People weighing heavily towards masculine energy are typically those who are already performing at very high levels — you’re probably making money, getting results, and finding success. From the outside, those around you probably think that you have absolutely no difficulty getting things done — you never miss deadlines, you’re never overwhelmed, you’re just amazing. But from the inside, that might not be the whole story.
The symptoms of struggling with too much masculine energy include:
No matter how successful you might appear from the outside, inside you’ve probably asked yourself: ‘is this it?’ or ‘is this all I have to live for?’. You may have the sense that there is more out there for you, but you’re not quite sure how to tap into it.
All of these feelings result from an imbalance between your masculine and feminine energy, and so the goal now is to bring more feminine energy into your work and business and your life. Consider starting from a space of gratitude (and I offer some great tips on starting a gratitude practice, which might help). From that space of gratitude, really check in with yourself. Notice what your heart is telling you, tap into your intuition, and start letting the voice of your heart speak louder than the voice of your brain. If you’re used to only letting your masculine energy drive you, this might be difficult at first. But the key is to trust: believe in the universe, trust things will work out, allow yourself to feel supported, and really go with the flow. Refrain from over thinking, over-analyzing, and planning multiple scenarios out in your mind. Just surrender.
Soon, you’ll probably start to notice a sense of purpose growing within you. You may find a greater sense of meaning and more fulfillment in your work and life. You’ll begin to feel more nurtured and supported — both by yourself and by those around you. Feelings of pressure and stress, and always believing it’s you up against the world will begin to drain away. Then your hustle — the important, meaningful work that you do — will yield better results while feeling increasingly effortless. Things will start falling into place naturally. You’ll start to manifest without feeling like you have to completely deplete yourself of energy in order to do so.
But, there’s another side to this as well. What about those of us who are weighted with more feminine energy? If this sounds like you, then you probably have a clarity of purpose for your life and business — you're passionate, you know what you’re doing and why you’re doing it, and you love what you do. There’s a clear alignment between your passion and your purpose, you often feel inspired, and you’re able to nurture, give to others, and change people’s lives. You probably experience gratitude.
But, too much feminine energy can lead to some challenges as well, including:
For those with an over-abundance of feminine energy, you may feel like your efforts to help others are making them successful, but you’re not yet empowered to have your own success. You may feel like you’re not getting the respect or credit you deserve for your efforts, or like your voice is not being heard.
If this sounds like you, then you know it’s time to bring some more masculine energy into your work and life, finding a balance between your passion and your productivity. As you start to balance the feminine energy with the masculine, you’ll grow more focused, get more grounded, start taking productive and methodical actions, and become more accountable to your tasks and deadlines. You’ll start delivering more tangible results, and by doing so, start yielding more tangible results as well — bringing more success and abundance into your life, perhaps even growing in your business and becoming empowered to take on a leadership position of your own.
As an intuitive life and business coach and a spiritual mentor, I’ve seen firsthand — both in my own life and in the lives and businesses of my clients — the change that can happen when we really work to balance our innate, dual energies. For more information on how to balance your masculine and feminine energies, and to watch the live video that accompanies this blog post, be sure to check out my Facebook group Alpha Female Sisterhood. There you’ll find tons of empowerment and support for high-performing women, just like you!
Finding Your Flow and Passion
Have you watched The Matrix?
The Matrix is by far one of my favorite movies (the original one only of course, the sequels are just garbage, but that's another blog post).
In the movie, Morpheus gives a choice to Neo: "You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."
Neo of course takes the red pill, and finds out the true nature of the matrix, his true soul purpose, and goes into training to fight the war against machines, save humanity, all that cool superhero stuff.
One part of the movie that always resonated a lot with me is when Cipher talks about how he regrets taking the red pill, because he found that the true, free life he lives outside of the matrix was actually pretty hard & exhausting. "I'm tired. Tired of this war, tired of fighting... I'm tired of the ship, being cold, eating the same goddamn goop everyday... If you'd told us the truth, we would've told you to shove that red pill right up your ass."
I think his sentiment really plays to our fear that I see and hear often from my clients.
The fear of making a wrong choice. What if we decide on something that we think would give us freedom or change in our lives, but then we find out the choice we made was a mistake? What if it were a bad decision and there was no turning back?
I think the same fear and sentiment applies to people who want to become more spiritually aware, more connected to their true self and purpose.
What if we found our true selves and learned our soul purpose, and then found it to be depressing and difficult?
But in my opinion, that's where the movie is just a movie.
The real question to ask is, "How would I live my life if I had the clarity and freedom to be all I could be, in the same world I live in? How fearless, open, loving would I be?"
Because here’s the thing.
Connecting with our true self, learning our soul purpose, and living our lives from that authentic place is not like The Matrix; it's actually more like when Dorothy lands in Oz. More colorful, more magical, more exciting. (Click below to see that magical scene in The Wizard of Oz)
You don't believe me? Then you will just have to see it for yourself. You can connect to your true self and purpose and live a life that is more grounded to who you truly are by learning to tap into your own intuition, and using your intuition to help you with your life and business.
"You can explore and take your first few steps inside my Facebook group: Alpha Female Sisterhood
Take your red pill, come join me, and I will show you the way. I promise more Oz, less Matrix. Come on!
Meet Seo Kelleher, an intuitive coach for life and business, committed to empowering women. "I am passionate about helping women find the courage to transform their lives by embracing their vulnerability and taking the responsibility."